Last year I sent my dad a Fathers' Day gift in the mail. He hadn't spoken more than a few rather spiteful words to me in previous couple of years and I hoped that a gift might help him to get over whatever grudge he had against me.

Instead, I got an email from him about a week later...he wanted to know why I had sent him the package. "What does it mean?", he asked. I told him that he might be over-analyzing things. "Perhaps it doesn't mean anything except that you have a son who loves you and cares about you." was my electronic reply. "I'm going to send it back to you...", he wrote back, "...I don't want anything to do with your love."

Now, I know that I can be a real jerk sometimes....I know that I haven't always treated everyone in my family with the love and respect that they may or may not deserve. But, even I, with my own dysfunctional and damaged view of the world, can't understand why, under any circumstances, a father would so completely alienate and abandon his only son.

If anyone has any answers, I would love to hear them. Please feel free to post below.


Dear Family,

I am writing this letter out of desperation and hopelessness. In spite of my greatest efforts to find permanent work of any kind, I remain jobless, homeless and basically broke.

As many of you know, my son, Spike’s, 13th birthday is coming up on August 5. While I have made every attempt to be a significant part of his life, his mother has never cooperated with me—in fact she has done everything she can to prevent me from having any significant contact with him. I tried to bring a lawsuit on his behalf when I had a good job and credit, but unfortunately Tanya and her husband were able to beat me down with an expensive lawyer. While I have been struggling to stay alive and make child-support payments, Tanya and her husband have been making improvements to the house they own in Tucson and living rather well…they both own new cars and their own businesses. Their resources are far superior to mine and there is no way I can get any justice for myself and my son in this matter. You can read more about this situation here http://fathersprivilege.blogspot.com/2009_02_01_archive.html so I won’t go too deeply into this unpleasant story. Suffice to say that I have been beaten unfairly and denied my privilege to be a significant part of my son’s life, although I do still speak with my son on the phone every week if I can get anyone to answer on the other end.

Because I had a job and it looked like I would be able to, I promised Spike that I would visit him on his birthday this year. This would be the first time I have ever seen my son on his birthday, because Tanya has always refused to let me do so in the past. Unfortunately, since losing my job last week, I again find myself homeless, jobless and more or less broke. Nevertheless, I promised my son I would see him on his birthday and that is exactly what I intend to do (even if it means hitch-hiking there in 110 degree Tucson heat).

While I have been able to find sporadic work, I have been unable to remain employed for any significant length of time. Regardless of any reasons you may attribute to my failure to become a working member of society, the result is the same—I have basically reached the end of my rope.

Whatever you may think of me, please be aware that there is nothing more important to me than my son. I know I have made mistakes in my life and I have tried very hard, albeit unsuccessfully, to correct them.

Although it shames me to do so, I am making this appeal to you to help me make this upcoming visit with my son a joyous celebration as opposed to a father’s final desperate attempt to see his son in even the worst of conditions. If you were planning to send gifts to my son for his birthday, instead please give funds to help me to make it to Tucson and rent a room for a couple of days. I don’t care what happens to me afterwards—I can always sleep in a tent or find shelter somewhere, but this visit with my son is very important to me and to him. Any contribution to this cause would be appreciated greatly. No donation is too small. Of course I do understand if you are unable to help with a donation; perhaps you can also help by sharing this letter on your facebook page or personal blog.

With Love and Gratitude,


Here is a video I made with my son during one of my visits with him:

A Father's Trip To See His Son

I just love this video!  I think it sort of speaks for itself.

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